I Came Home

My vacation was awesome!!  We stayed with my brother and sister in law and they showed us a great time.  We visited the Garden District, Jackson Square, Bourbon Street (where I had a wonderful Hurricane Daiquiri), and took the airboat alligator ride.  If you are ever near an area where they have these boat rides….DO IT!!!!  It was so much fun.  We ate.  A lot.  Shrimp, jambalaya, crawfish, catfish, alligator chunks, and chocolate.  Yum yum yum!!! 

I was with family.  I hadn’t seen my brother and sister in law in a couple of years.  Their youngest daughter was home from college on spring break.  It was going to be such a good time.  And then I lost it.  The first night at their house, I started crying and just could not stop.  I was tired, I may have been a bit cranky, and I was full of really, really good crawfish, jambalaya, and wine.  And I could not stop crying.  I called my husband and cried to him.  That didn’t help. 

It was a good cry.  The kind that made my nose run and my eyes swell.  I sat on their patio and sobbed.  I went back inside their house and cried some more.  What in the world was wrong with me?  I had been looking forward to time away for weeks.  I knew we were going to visit cool places and see cool things.  And I was spending time with family.

My mom always told me that I wear my heart on my sleeve.  She liked to tell people that I never had an emotion that I didn’t share with someone.  My brother and his wife certainly saw all the emotions that night.  The morning after my good cry, I woke up and apologized to my sister in law for my mini breakdown.  And she looked at me and said “you deserve it”.  And in that moment, I knew I did. 

The past four months were really, really hard.  I was exhausted emotionally and physically from dealing with the obsessions that seem to encompass Brandon.  I felt guilty for being away, for enjoying myself.  How could I be eating great food, seeing amazing alligators, and sleeping through the night when, at home, Brandon was still a bit obsessive about Mario Kart? 

And then I realized that I needed to be away.  I needed to do something that was just for me.  Brandon and I needed a break from each other.  He did well while I was gone.  Of course he did.  My husband and other sons know the deal.  They know how to handle the obsessions, the jumping, and the repetitive nature of Brandon’s conversations. 

When I arrived home, my husband gave me a huge hug.  J and A both gave me big hugs.  Brandon saw me, walked up to me and said “play Mario Kart”.  And just like that, I was back and all was right with the world.  I was able to laugh about it and move on.  And so was Brandon.

Spring break for Brandon is this week.  It has been okay.  His support worker has been here to help and I feel a bit more patient.  We are both sleeping better and seem to like each other a bit more than we did pre-vacation.  We always love each other and we like each other most of the time.

The lesson I learned?  I need to do more stuff for me.  Just me.  I need to work on the crafts I’ve started and haven’t finished.  I need to read the books I got for Christmas.  I need to focus on me sometimes.  Because it is good for me.  But it is also good for Brandon.  He and I needed a break from each other.  And it was good.

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