I am so thankful for this weekend. Steve is home and that means Brandon and I can have a bit of a break from each other.
Don’t get me wrong, I love Brandon with all my heart, as I do all my boys. I do think, however, being together all day, every day, is beginning to wear on both of us. I started finding myself getting a bit snippy over the small things.
We have the same conversations all day long. Brandon says “bathroom” and will not go until I say “yes, go the the bathroom”. When he is done, Brandon says “mommy start” and will not stop saying it until I say “nice time?” Brandon says “yes” and I have to say “good, say it once.”
We have many of these conversations about multiple things daily. After he eats, it’s “mommy start”. After he plays Mario Kart, it’s “mommy start.” After he goes outside, it’s “mommy start.”
With Steve home, he can have those conversations with Brandon for a couple of days. Although Steve doesn’t always follow the script, which means Brandon will search me out for help.
I am an autism mom. I do get tired and overwhelmed. I do sometimes speak louder than I should and the occasional four letter word escapes my mouth. For those who know my father, I am a bit like him.
But, I also know that right now, Brandon staying home is what is best. If he gets sick with the virus, he would potentially be hospitalized. And we would most likely not be able to be with him. I know him better than anyone and I can’t imagine him not being able to communicate to care providers.
So…we stay home and I breathe through the anxiety and worry. I am working with Brandon on taking deep breaths when he seems anxious. I don’t know if it helps him, but it sure is helping me.
Sometimes, I have to walk away from him for a bit. To gather myself, to remind myself that he is just as anxious as I am. To think about something else for just a minute. I am finding that taking a short break is necessary for both of us.
To all the other autism moms out there…hang in there! We WILL get through this. And we WILL help our kiddos through this!